Periods. – KJD

Hello! 

It has been a while and quite frankly, delighted to be here… You can trust that after all this while.. My come back post would be bloody!!
And guess what it is literally bloody because the topic is  “Periods “… Lool. Yes Periods. 

I found out that there is an awkwardness around periods, a shroud of secrecy, a push for concealment and sometimes sadly, a thing of shame. 

What do I mean by periods (Just in case someone did not get the bloody memo) : 

There’s a video I made and I got a couple of comments.
I put up the same questions on my instagram. Some of the comments from my wat’s app contacts are posted here. I’d however like that we read the points of focus on this topic. 

1) COYNESS/EMBARASSMENT : The coyness and embarrassment is seen in certain ways. I’m restraining myself from using the word stigma because I think it’s a stronger word neither would I use shame because I don’t want to be a party to the term. Okay.. so here are certain areas that the  coyness is most prevalent. 

• PUBLIC PURCHASE: First and foremost ,  I do not understand why the purchase of pads, tampons and other required materials used exclusively for menstrual periods have to be done covertly. (Watch the video above) If it’s a shop you have to ask for what you want, then you’re not to shout it.  If it’s a mall, buy enough things to cover it up or conceal it one way or the other… like with a black nylon or something not visible.   Whenever I go get pads at all those stay outside and buy shop (A shop that you have to stay outside to buy whether you’re in a vechile or on your feet, so you have to ask orally for what you want and the shop attendant would get it for you)…  I always ask loud and clear like I’d purchase any other groceries. I did not realise the lack of conformity that I was exhibiting till I had to buy pads in the male hostel shop and the shop owner told me I was the only girl who was never ashamed to ask for pads and didn’t code or whisper it..  (Sighs*) The sincere question is why should a girl /lady/woman be ashamed about her period? or be super private about it…  I don’t think one should or anyone should contribute to the coyness of another party. 

• STAINS: When  a girl gets stained publicly, it’s treated as a grossly embarrassing thing.  I’m lost. Most women of a certain age have periods… People could really help the situation be less embarrassing.  The way people act in shock.. Frankly, sometimes people miscalculate, periods are delayed and come unexpectedly. Yes, women should be prepared, but no one is perfect.  The latter days of a period are usually light and one might assume that the flow would be low and it turns out to be an overflow and voila!!  There’s a stain or rather it looks like something was murdered on your skirt.. Please, the least anyone can do is not to act horrified like it’s a normal murder scene… cus frankly it’s not.  It’s just a monthly period and absolutely natural, so evidence of its occurrence should be handled reasonably.

 

2)Religious Perception : Some communities STILL ostracise women on their period and it leaves me confused. Ejo. What planet.. what time and what century are we in?  If it’s a thing of shame, that the woman has to be hidden or separated, then we stop having sex entirely and stop procreation entirely… 

I just think religious conduct can be better in the sense that since there is an update of what goes on internally, we can improve in treating  women right… It’s not a disease or a plague. 

I’d refrain from dwelling on this aspect because I am not here to criticise any  religion. So on to  the next point. 

3) Sex on periods : The untouchable  topic!!!  Lol.. It’s musings of bimidiah… I think and post as I deem neccesary.. Get over it…  The Lord Be With Thee.

You know it’s funny that I’ve watched so many movies that “I’m on my period” is the excuse that a lot of women use to get out of having sex generally whether illicit or proper,  premarital or marital. 

In the famously leaked phone call between a student and married lecturer in a popular Nigerian  university  (I’m not dropping the name here just because of the amazing and hardworking students I know there. ) The lecturer who was demanding sex from a student for marks got turned down initially with the excuse of her being on her period… It seems like a legitimate reason to halt sexual activities and one which most men accept. 

It’s like a shut up card on sexual demands even to husband’s who have legal and spiritual permission.. lol.. . Why is the General situation like this? lol. Funny enough, I’ve come to discover surprising details on sex during periods which you would find at the end of this post.  
Anyways, you’d see people’s opinions below and I love how candid they got with responses. My opinion would be posted below all other opinions. First, please read the real life comments below:

COMMENTS on THE VIDEO AND QUESTIONS. 

Instagram  : 

FROM WATS APP :

“ It’s probably because of the dominant belief that we have certain areas that are “private parts”, and as such, should be managed and discussed “privately”; So perhaps the big question isn’t period shaming. Perhaps the big question is why are the Three P’s “shameful”, and supposed to be managed “privately”? I’m referring to Pee, Poop, and Periods. They have a joint answer. They can be seen as three variables with the same value, as they can help explain one another.

On Shame/coyness in purchasing pads:

” Lol. I don’t get either. Like why should legal stuff be bought with codes? There’s no crime in buying pads na. 💁🏾‍♂”

On sexual activities during periods, If it’s something you’re both open to, DO IT. There is no reason not to have period sex, and by having period sex, you’re taking down the stigma surrounding periods and women’s bodies.”

–Bowo David.

” Well, I think there’s this general perception that periods are a dirty thing. So, most people don’t really want others to know when they’re  on their periods. And a lot of people are really private with it because of the society we live in – very diabolical so nobody wants their blood to be used as sacrifice for money or children. 

Personally, I don’t particularly care. I mean, everybody knows that a normal woman has a bleeding period every month so I don’t see what the big deal is but people are different sha

Yeah, I think upbringing also plays a part. If you’re brought up to whisper about your periods you’ll definitely be uncomfortable about pads. 

On sexual activities during periods : Lol.  I  don’t know o.  I think it’s more of to each his own. I don’t think that’s something I would like but people have different preferences.  It’s not something I want to imagine sha”

– Oluwadoyinsolami

” I was in high school when I got my first period. It was one evening like this and it came out in a ball…ish form. I didn’t tell my mom lol. I didn’t say anything to anybody at home. I went to my then best friend’s house, told her (cos she had gotten her period a while back) and she gave me sanitary pads. 

I don’t know why I kept my period from my mom but I was 12/13, and didn’t know what was happening to my body or why it was happening. I was given “the talk” or anything. All I knew was that there was blood, and that I felt scared and ashamed. I don’t know where I learned to be ashamed, I just knew I was.  Well,  yeah because social and cultural norms create some pretty bizarre trends. 

About getting stained publicly: Not ever. I was actually telling myself that today. It has never happened. I don’t know why but I’m grateful. 

On  sexual activities while menstruating: 

 Personally, I think it’s disgusting. There’s a lot going on down there already! Why add to it? It just doesn’t appeal to me. I know some people have sex while on their period and hey, I’m not judging because well,  different strokes for different folks. Like I said, it just doesn’t appeal to me.  I feel like at that time of the month, downstairs should be closed for business 🙅🏻‍♀ Lol generally, menstruation is associated with smells, mess, blood, gore, impurity and disgust. Which is probably why many women say they feel uncomfortable talking about their periods but what do I know?”–Nora

Periods?… Errrm isn’t dt a part of the female biological setup? Wat opinion can I v on smtin that is perfectly normal… 🤷🏾‍♂🤷🏾‍♂

On akwardness:  Never knew periods are awkward tho… Y should dey b… It’s not like it applies to some ladies n doesn’t apply to others… It’s a general smtin… Y should some nw feel awkward. 

On sexual activities during periods : Ewww!!! Dts disgusting…  Unhealthy.. n  pathetic.  D lady won’t b on her period forever… Just a couple more days n she’s done…

 Personally it’s an automatic turn off…. N even d Bible strongly kicks against it.. Which kind konji wan hold u dt u can’t persevere for some days before unleashing d “wrath” which has built up.. Will make d sex more fun sef… Sex during periods? Even wild animals don’t do dt.-Val”

“ Personally, I don’t think there is a big deal as regards period.  Aside the physical fact that it is kind of an inconvenience and sexual act can be quite irritating, I don’t see anything scared about it. 

So,   Of course not. I don’t see it as something a woman should be ashamed about.  I do everything I do normally with my girl when she’s on.  It’s natural.. So why should she be ashamed. – Frank “

“I didn’t know about the whole period shaming thing. I have  never had any awkwardness about periods. I  was old enough by my first period so I handled it well. 

On sex, during periods, I can have sex during periods. If my man is down for it, I’m game.  I have gotten stained . Yes.  Once. No big deal.  Religiously,Cele has  a doctrinal requirement that you can read up on.  Basically,  Cele women don’t go to church on their periods. – TIFE”

“I think my weirdness toward periods emanated from women. The way they behave like they should be avoided or treated special. The early memories I had was one where a lady get stained and some ladies tagged her dirty…  And when I now grew up realizing that it was the wall of the womb that wasn’t fertilized that peels off, I get scared. I don’t like blood, and now blood with dead cells, hell no. 

On sexual activity during periods.. : It’s not hygienic. And disgusting. Although if my wife likes it I might consider it under the shower. According to an unconfirmed statement that women are horny during periods; I might yield to her. But it has to be my wife.- SEGUN “

 ” I get your point, girls feel awkward about it. During my O&G posting, some people still found asking for period details awkward. I think the awkwardness comes  from  societal mindsets. .. – The King 

“Periods are a necessary evil.I personally wish we cud choose when it comes, if we want it or not. cos sometimes I get angry, cranky esp when I’m having those cramps. But any woman who doesn’t menstruate will be tagged ‘abnormal’ and infertile.

I’ve got some friends that see their periods just twice in a year, I was like ‘damn, so cool’ but tis so not cool. They’ve got to work on themselves. Tho some religion see women on their periods as unclean and not fit to pray or come to any prayer gathering.  Anyways, I like my own period, Tis light, not abnormal (every month, I ne’er miss it) and I don’t experience cramps all the time, it sort of depends on my sugar intake.  So,Nah.   I don’t feel awkward about periods or people knowing I’m  on my period. Maybe they’ll pamper me sef. 

About Sexual Activity during periods: I feel there shud be no penetration or any activity below the waist. -Oh_lee_via”

“I feel people should understand it’s natural so no point hiding or shying away from it….. Period!  On sexual activity during periods:  It’s strictly a thing of choice and both parties must consent, most women say they are more aroused during their periods, and as such enjoy sex more during that period, so if they have a partner who agrees then issagoal!”– Anonymous

” Well I feel the “stigma” in quote (lack of better word) is similar to the kind found when a guy asks to buy a condom. They are totally normal things in this life, but people just find it awkward, and they look at you in shock.  Referring to the pads now..not touched the issue of periods yet.  Plus, you asked a man, he’d find it awkward, although it’s a normal (what word will use now, wo, its sha normal to buy pad) but asking the opposite sex, brings an atmosphere of awkwardness..cos I’ll definitely feel the same way..a lady asking me in my store She wants to get pads… 

I think this boils down to the way society has conditioned things that relate to “Women” especially private things.  We believe if there’s anything your experiencing bodily it shouldn’t he aired outside…  For example how many ladies bodly come out to tell their male friends that they are “ON”. Even when they’re close they tend to hide that part of themselves. 

I dunno why..but I think society plays a role in that.  Hide your “private” (errmm..English word to use..err). Things that do with your body should be kept private, no matter how normal they may be. So when a lady breaks the “Sacred Rule”(in quote), of voicing so called ” Private” things. Society pretty much is taken aback. They believe some things just have to be kept secret no matter what.  That’s what i feel sha..might not be a 100% true but..yh..thanks for reading my long and boring post.  

On Sexual activity during periods : Uhh..I absolutely dont know anything about this..cos I’ve never had sex before plus I have no idea what…this feels like.  Also, I’ve only seen memes about having sex during period.. Never had anyone admit it to me…  Dunno the dangers or advantages involved too oo.  See men are always ever ready whenever.. Her being on her periods, I dunno if that will affect the conventional process of having sex.  It might I dunno for sure. But bottom line is why not🤷🏽‍♂– Mo’fiyin”

INSTAGRAM  REPLIES  :
RESEARCH  FOR SEX ON PERIODS

1) SOME WOMEN GET HORNY ON THIER PERIODS…. Why??  Because Menstruation may increase a woman’s sex drive… Yup..  How.. you may ask? Here’s some explanation below from research :

“Many women feel a higher sex drive during their menstrual cycle . There is a lot of conflicting and confusing information about why this happens. But one reason, according to Sara Gottfried, M.D., author of The Hormone Cure, is that a woman’s estrogen is at an all-time low at the beginning of her period. As her estrogen levels rise over the following week, her testosterone levels rise as well, helping her be turned on more easily”.

-Another factor may be the increased blood flow and lubrication in the genital region, a heaviness that could translate into arousal.

– The possibility of getting pregnant is also lower during this time, which might make women feel more sexually liberal. 

-Also, some women may become aroused by the thought of doing something sexually forbidden or unconventional.

Peep this real life scenario on joor olumofin’s instagram page :

People were really judging her.. but my Lord… People should know that different folks, different strokes… But a large majority of women would deny it, but they are more aroused on their period.. okay. Next.. 
2) You are not immune to getting pregnant:

A woman might/ can still get pregnant.  Do not be mocked… 

I once heard a story about a woman who ovulated during her period  and went on for most of her life thinking she was barren… till she discovered.. Please, please, please.. I don’t know how truthful the story is because I only heard the summary.. but if there is no ” egg” to fertilize when you’re trying to get pregnant, then you’re shooting at nothing.. 

Bodies are different. The stress couples go through while trying to make a baby is just unbelievable.  So as a woman, know your body, so you don’t find out late or the hard way.. As a man, know your wife/partners body.. For conception, everything is not the sexual intercourse, it’s  a fundamental part, but timing is far more important . 

Another research says that ” the chances of becoming pregnant during menstruation are extremely small, but it can still happen . The research futher stated that “Though generally, it is a very safe time to have unprotected sex if you’re trying to avoid pregnancy , a man’s sperm has the ability to survive inside the woman’s body for a few days and there is a small chance that an early ovulation could cause pregnancy. If you want to avoid getting pregnant, it is best to use contraceptives. “

3)  Sex during menstruation can relieve cramps

Reaching an orgasm during the period may give you pain relief from cramps by releasing pain-reducing endorphins into the bloodstream. Also, according to some scientists, sex during this time provides further relief by using up chemicals, which are responsible for menstrual cramps.

Sex during menstruation could also knock a few days off your period. This is because the extra contractions your uterus experiences during orgasm help get rid of menstrual blood faster, ending your cycle sooner than usual. But, you can expect a heavy flow during the initial days. 

  

About relieving cramps… Personally,  I do not know how truthful this is… I however know that cuddling could help menstrual pain…  I rarely get menstrual cramps, but once in a while it happens and it is not when I want to be held.I just want to be as far away from human  touch as I can be…   but I coincidentally  discovered that lying cuddled up could really ease a lot of pain and this is a direct testimony… The best thing to do is sleep off cuddling… Forget the  pain.

Funny thing is, it does not have to be bae or the husband… I told a single friend about it and this my female friend actually just cuddled with her best friend (female) when her cramps came and actually said she felt better. I did not ask you to start testing your sexual preferences by cuddling all your female friends. .. I am  just saying it may make you feel better. 

It may be psychological, but If you know how terrible cramps can get.. You would know that  a lot of people would joyfully opt for any pain remover. 

Please note: I had a young girl of about 16 ask me if it was true that having sex or getting pregnant was a permanent cure to menstrual pain… I just simply told her (I knew she was being pressured for sex and this was the new excuse her boyfriend had given her and funny enough… he believed it himself…Sighs *…  I just gave her authorities (legislative  and judicial … lol ) explaining to her why it was a big lie. I had to supply her with a “recent case law” about her  aunt who is a friend of mine and who we both know married as a virgin.. but now has kids (They did not jump from heaven… she had sex to have them, but still takes pain relievers for cramps (meaning sex fixed nothing… Pregnancy came and left.. but she still gets cramps… 

Now it may be different for other people… but this is a baseless excuse to start having sex.  

4) Most Men Do Not Mind. 

“It’s more often women, not men, opposed to the idea. “

According to a recent survey conducted on MensHealth.com , it’s women, rather than men, who choose to shut down sexual activities during menstruation. More than 75 per cent of the men who were surveyed said they had no issues about having sex during their partner’s period, though 54 per cent said they would only do it with a wife or serious girlfriend.(My research supports this.. )

Most men are interested if the woman is interested. I even conducted oral interviews. Most men says waiting during that period is no issue, but If their (WIFE), a lot old unmarried people tend to switch to that term when talking about sex on periods and I think because to them it’s intimate. 

Summarily… 

Sex during menstruation isn’t harmful

There’s a pervasive myth out there that menstrual blood is dirty and full of impurities that might harm the penis. This is nonsense! Menstrual blood is a mixture of healthy blood and the discarded tissues that line the uterus each month in preparation for pregnancy. Coming in contact with this blood will not harm the penis in any way. In fact, menstruation blood serves as a great (and harmless) lubricant. (copied online )

There is also a common misconception that the penis can hurt the uterus during sex while she’s having her period. Although it’s true that a tiny opening corps up in the uterus to pass menstrual blood during her period, this hole is impossibly small for the penis to enter. Sex during menstruation causes absolutely no harm to a woman’s uterus. (also copied word for word.. Google it or talk to a doctor)

Finally,  women need to understand to love their bodies, periods and all. No matter how messy it gets, you can be clean about it within the resources that you have… (an instagram user pointed out how expensive pads have gotten here in my country. ) But still, good hygiene would go a long way in making you feel better about yourself. 

Finally, let’s stop period shaming, cultural, physical, religious or social… Amen?  Amen. 

Do not forget to follow on instagram…

Email address:  jesudunmolonge@gmail.com