I recieved  numerous comments, mostly outside the blog about part one. Here is part 2. 

Part one covered 1 HOW,( a)Positions b)Time c) Parties but there are still points under how that would be discussed here. It goes thus:

D) Starters: Initiating sex is a low key issue in most marraiges. Please, it is a two-way street. Where one party keeps asking, it becomes awkward and there is a likelihood that the party would feel left out and unwanted.  Most husbands complain about this. So to wives, you are allowed to expressly ask for sex. Reasons why wives do this would be explained in E) below, but seriously; As a wife, You are allowed to have desires and let your husband know that you want him..  This is apparently a huge turn on. Ruth sought out Boaz, Esther sought out the king and she could have  been killed for it.  Nobody Is going to kill you for initiating sex, so please please please do and not low key initiation; express initiation.  Say ” I want you. “..  We are being candid yeah?  “I miss you inside me” Just initiate for a change. 

E) Mood

The dynamics of sexual health In a marraige goes beyond just biology. It includes chemistry and psychology among other requirements. Sometimes a person is not In the mood. As in, nothing dramatic or novel.  When either party is not In the mood,it can be as a result of the action or inaction of the unwilling party or the spouse of the unwilling party. 

I think there are MORE THAN ENOUGH ARTICLES that talk about how to seduce a man. The topic is ” lets be CANDID ” so, let’s not lie… most of the time, the interest issue does not come from the man., but from the woman and this is basic biology. Men are built and conditioned to want sex more. So it is normal for the husband to want sex more than his wife. When a man is uninterested in sex, there is usually an explanation for it. E.g. illness  (including diabetes, heart related issues etc); trust issues; football issues; extra marital affairs; intimidation among many other things.

On the other hand, when a woman(wife) is uninterested In sex, the usual excuses are : The popular “I am tired” or “I am on my period”. While the latter is usually true since proof is easily established, the former (“I am tired”) is half of the time, A lie

Men would not want to hear this, but sometimes, husbands don’t try at all. It’s funny that because you are married you assume you should get sex, just because you asked. There is something called marital rape and it happens and it is a terrible thinğ. 

Africans  likes to pretend about a wife’s needs, but the truth is it is not only men that get horny; women get horny; women want sex; sometimes even before you ask and consensual sex is the “knowing sex.” Uninhibited SEX is “explorative” not exploitative. 

The truth : Men can be seduced, women can be seduced. Enough of the wife bashing because Some husbands don’t try at all. Everyone tells women how to seduce /remain attractive for their husbands, but nobody talks about how men can seduce their wives. Some men don’t know what turns their wives on.  Some dont know what turns her off. In the words of  a complaining wife ” Everything is not from breasts to sex”

Outside the bedroom : The things that occur outside the bedroom goes a long way in affecting the quality of Knowing Sex.  A lot of wives complain that it is only when their husband wants sex that they are nice or give them attention. Some husbands don’t kiss their wives randomly or make out if there is no sex involved. They don’t know how to drop light feathered neck kisses randomly or sensual long hugs in unexpected moments. 

See, that yam belongs to you does not mean that you would not cook it before you can eat it. That she is your wife does not mean  she does not have feelings. Female sexuality is more complicated than that. 

Don’t come home late without explanation and expect your wife to open her legs. A woman would be more eager to please a man who pleases her.Most men have physical touch/sex as their primary love language, but not women.  Speak her love language not yours. What does she nag about ? STOP it. If you want to know your wife? Then, try to fix her needs.  

FINANCIAL NEEDS: A hungry wife is less likely to want sex. The children school fees have not been paid and there is no food at home. – We are in a modern age, but nobody wants a liability as the head of the house.It is not attractive. It is not about who earns more; it is about being a useful party in the marraige. Adam had the whole garden to give Eve; Boaz was a kind and Rich man to Ruth. Jacob was very rich as was his father, Isaac and his grandfather, Abraham. It is inevitable that A hungry wife would be A “I am tired “wife. I 

A wife once explained : “we were broke and barely able to feed ourselves and young son, yet my husband would want to have sex; and worse of, insist that he would not use a condom raising the risk of me getting pregnant and I could not risk that. It did not mean that I did not love him, but How would I answer him? . “

Physical needs : 

Everyone talks about how men are moved by what they see, but although not as potent, women are very attracted to fine things. When men say things like “my wife is old” like they are not getting old; “my wife is now fat; she has lost the figure she had when We met”- Although, not an absolute defence, the wife usually has pregnancy and child birth as an excuse, but some husbands have pot belly and are definitely not as slim or as young looking as the time their wives met them. How would she be eager? 

Go to the GYM, work out, It would even boost your morale; she might think you are cheating, as long as you are not. It might ever spur her to want to improve her  physical looks. Wear perfume. Look dapper, look good always. Wear clean boxers; smile nice; bathe often…  don’t come home reeking of alcohol and expect sex. 

Many husbands have body odour and mouth odour and their wives out of respect or fear in some cases won’t tell them, but WOULD just say “I am tired”

So, look nice, smell nice, dress nice, be clean. I am not saying wives are not guilty, but just to reduce the number of “I am tired”. Other needs would be discussed in part 3. 

Thank you for reading. Part 3 coming up soon and it is the wives that might be reviving the bashing soon. We are being candid. Leave a comment. 

Bimidiah cares! 


6 Comments Add yours

  1. Pribodunke says:

    This went straight into my heart.
    Dear Future husband, please come and read this.
    Although I’m not married yet, I get irritated when guys around me start complaining about my body parts, since it doesn’t bother me I just leave them to their thoughts/words.
    I strongly believe everyone should read this piece and be blessed.
    Thank you so much Bimidah

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Pribodunke, 😊😊😊.
      THANK YOU for your comment, the truth is bitter, but it’s all about being candid.
      I hope it blesses more people.
      Thank you for Thanking me.


  2. aroundmyweb says:

    I think you’re really hitting the issues. Mention of communication as speaking your spouse’s love language is quite important.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. THANK YOU for your comment, I hope to continue hitting the nail and do justice to the standard of being candid. Communication is key.


  3. Engr. Olu says:

    This is a very good right-up. I hope married couples really learn from this.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Engineer olu,
      Thank you for your comment.
      That is the prayer.


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