“THE MASK ”  – BIMIDIAH 

The average human in the world of today is not happy. This is a statement of fact, but far more certain than this first statement is this :”The average human is NOT as happy as she/he looks.  “ 

We have been taught while growing up to not be the “cry cry baby“. Babies cry a lot.  The crying gets them the desired attention. It is the way they communicate with the world especially to express their displeasure.  Quite frankly, the incessant crying of a child is uncomfortable for anybody within earshot of the baby. 

After a certain age, a human is expected to start speaking with a level of coherence and communicate through language and the automatic implication is less crying. It is understandable why we should desire less crying and more speaking because it is a more comfortable form of conversation and expression . It is the extent to  which We humans  take it to  that is problematic because it leads us to wear masks : pretend, lie to blend in all in a bid to “act properly.” 

We are moulded by parental, cultural, societal and peer pressure into semi-machines with a really limited amount of emojis for expressing our feelings. There are certain things you are expected to “grow up and be an adult about. ” This is a HUGE problem in the society  as we have perfected the art of pretending. Pretending that you are fine and pretending that you are happy. Pretending that all the issues going on are not getting to you.  When you do this, you put on a mask. 

The problem is whenever there is an issue in your life and you act the exact way you are feeling. People tell you to “STOP ACTING LIKE YOU ARE CARRYING THE PROBLEMS OF THE WORLD ON YOUR SHOULDERS.” People would tell you:  “EVERYONE  has problems. We don’t just carry it on our faces, everywhere we go . ” The question is “who is stopping these  people from carrying problems on their faces?  Who? who made people like this?  The answer to that is : (Society : Parents,  school teachers, friends, religious bodies. You. “

SOCIAL MEDIA:

Social media makes matters worse because  People are criticized when they post about their problems. Nobody wants to hear. It’s funny though that people don’t mind hearing testimonies about how God miraculously turned around a situation, but don’t want to hear about the situation when it is on. I already made it clear that NO one is perfect…. but the world does not want to see this. 

This is why everyone  comes to talk about how great life is and post happy pictures when depression is killing them. Those who live a fake life are on another level, but the truth is We are the sponsors of this behaviour. You like the pictures of such people and their huge cars and houses. You follow them and like their posts. We say ” who no like better thing? ” But people are dying inside…. Celebrities are unhappy and rich people are sick.  I really hate to use examples, but many celebrity marraiges are living examples to how packaged people are when all is not well till it breaks down irrevocably. 

We are taught to stifle our emotions. You are not to cry any how in public. Males get the worst of this training because “You have to be a man. You have to be strong. You cannot act the way you are feeling… You should hold body ” THIS is killing marriages and families. 

Whether male or female, the rule is You are not to shout when you are angry, manage your anger… The  most annoying is ” calm down” that people chant when someone is angry.  The world defines acceptable reactions and unacceptable reactions  for emotions. As you grow up we are taught the “proper way ” to express emotions. Little things do not need to be said. Minor pains need to be ignored. But it is killing people daily!  Suppressing emotions is killing people. Suicides would continue to occur if better expression of emotions are not pursued. 

Pretence in this day and time is now a craft;  An art people have perfected all too well. I actually understand why you are not to act like the problem of the world is on your shoulders because genuinely speaking; the PROBLEMS of the world are not on your shoulders…. but seriously SERIOUSLY . Seriously  The truth is:
Whether it is the innate selfishness and unavoidable self-centeredness of human nature or something else that causes an absolutely permitted myopia such that In the period of a person’s seemingly insurmountable problems, it feels like one is carrying the problems of the world on his/her shoulders. You see the world through your eyes and all your eyes can see is your problem. Hence, you feel like the world problems is on your head.”

In summary,  what I am saying is that we need to express our emotions better. 

We don’t know how to laugh right or cry right or even love right. Why does society give us a “proper” way to do things? Why do we take things to the extreme? Society does not even approve excessive laughter. If you laugh too much or too loud, people would complain:)

PERSONAL EXAMPLE :

While I was a bit younger,  I made up my mind to only cry TWICE IN A YEAR. lol. Looking back now, I don’t know what made me think that up.. I think I was half successful because for the first six months in the year. I cried once. Situations that would normally make me tear up. I’d hold back my tears. After the first six months, it did not work out for the year as I lost count of the things I cried about…I tried to adjust the rule to state that ” It was not crying as long as the tears stayed in my eyes and did not drop down. “,  but after a while. I gave up AND CRIED WHENEVER THE need to arose. 

Now,even though I cry less,  if I feel like crying, I cry and I don’t stop till I sense that I am done crying. This is a form of therapy. Cry when you need to. You would feel better. Not that you would be crying on the inside and smiling outside.  When I smile, I smile beacuse I am happy. If I needed to cry two minutes ago, trust me, I most probably cried. 

One thing I have however not failed to do is to laugh well and loud. I am a laugholic. I can laugh ehn. Things that are usually funny to people are not usually the same way for me, bu t when something is funny to me. I would laugh and people turn to see what made somebody laugh so C hard. I actually laugh in some awkward situations like in a serious class. 

This life is not as rosy as we would like it to be. We need to draw a line between being strong and being fake. You are human and even JESUS WEPT!  

ADVICE

We need to unlearn the need to be “hard guy.”  It is essential to try to maintain a balance between being positive and facing reality... Express emotions better. 

Babies cry and babies also laugh a lot.They laugh with the same tenacity with which they cry. It is their language. We should smile more. Smile with tears in our eyes. Shout when angry or better still say “I am angry now.I am super angry ” We ought to be able to laugh after shouting.

Ever been in an awkward situation whereby you are super angry and after forming vex, something  super funny happens and you really want to laugh, but you struggle to stifle it till you burst out laughing. You are allowed to laugh because something is funny while you are crying because something is painful. They are both reactions to different things. 

 Babies can move from crying to laughing and we should be able to do that. It is not everything that is a psychological issue. It is not everything that is a mood swing matter. 


 Marraige And Relationships:

This goes out to the married ones and people in relationships :

You are allowed to fall in love and be in love. You are allowed to scream that you love someone and let the world know.You are allowed to shout it at the top of your lungs that you are crazy about this person. I don’t want mediocre love. I want poetry, fire, hunger, passion and compassion.You would understand what I am talking about if you read “The love I want ” I am not one for unnecessary publicity till you are married or at least engaged, but even then, you should be able to show love well. Do all the goofy stuff even after  you are married . Write handwritten letters; suprise them with little gestures; kiss your spouse in public and randomly. Your public display of affection does not have to be on social media and your fight s would also not be on social media.

VULNERABILITY

In a bid to be “tough” or “do things properly“, we don’t love right  by mitigating our feelings by our limited expressions. WE ARE SO SCARED OF LOVING AND FAILING SO WE DON’T EVEN GIVE OUR ALL. See love makes you vulnerable… get used to it… because of the need to form “hard guy”, we turn to semi robots. “I miss you” is hard for people to say. “I am crazy about you ” is hard for people to admit.”I don’t wanna live without you” is hard to confess. Lol. 

You like attention… then ask. You need time alone.. ask… You are jealous? State it! You want to marry… propose!. 

When you are ill and you need your babe, brother, sibling or children around… state it and don’t form strong. You need financial support, ask people… The worst they would say is no and life would go on. On the other hand, they could say “yes” and you would get help. Humans were not created to be “alone ” all the time. Stop masking your needs and feelings under a happy mask. 

APOLOGIES

You did something wrong, you should apologise CONSISTENTLY AND REPEATEDLY. The way friendships are lost because of inability to admit mistakes. Nobody  ever died solely from saying sorry, but people have definitely died from refusing to say sorry. 

If you are hurt by something your babe did; you could say : “I love you, but in this moment  I am very angry with you. ” not “I am fine. ” that has left many people dissatisfied with their relationships and lives.  You know things are not fine or someone is hurting you… stop them by speaking up. 

GOD 

At the end of the day, in every situation give thanks and one place I do not see a need to pretend is before  God. Take off  your masks and lay yourself before him. Trust me, he knows your real account balance, he knows your crush and their name, he knowsyour longings, your hopes, dreams and aspirations.  If you need someoneto talk to and you don’t have anybody to confide in; talk to God. Cry to him. love up on him.


During worship or prayers and tears come, let it flow. Put everything in God’s hands… your needs, wants, addictions, battles… abandon them at his feet and worship. He knows you are broke and exactly how you feel and he loves you. So even if you pretend every where else, take off the mask before God. His love is perfect… You don’t have to be. 

We are part of the society…Express yourself right.  Let us train our children right.. Teach your sons and daughters and learn to love and express emotIions more.   Stop critisizing people when they post their problems on social media.. if you cannot be nice and supportive..  move on and say nothing about such posts. Have a lovely time adjusting to better expressions. 

Thank you so much for reading… 


Email : Jesudunmolonge@gmail.com

Instagrammusingsofbimidiah 

Facebook :Jesudunmo Longe 

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