“They say all is fair in love and war, but to me all is not fair when love is war”- Jesudunmo Longe(KJD)

In the previous discussions, we examined reasons why women stay in abusive marriages. Another reason is “love” and emotional attachment. This is a really sad one. When people ask a woman to leave such a marriage “but I love him’ she says and starts to cry. Please, I know love is quite a subjective term and difficult to define, but he does not love you o. If he does, his definition of love is fractured. RUN! Other reasons are financial dependence, political aspirations, business dealings, traditional areas, underage lack of good advice, religious restrictions and positions. You have more reasons, do drop a comment below. The sad part is that the husbands usually beg the women to come back and people say “FORGIVE AND FORGET”. I say “FORGIVE AND MOVE OUT/STAY OUT.” You want to pray for him? Pray from afar. 

WARNING:If you are part of the people that settle disputes between Couples with this particular problem read the next post about Ifeoma OKEKE OJIAKOR and see if you are contributing to this madness .

Let’s take the first case study


Titilayo got married to Akolade Arowolo and became Mrs. Arowolo, but they did not live happily ever after. The fateful day was the 24th of June,2011 when the dark and handsome Mr. Arowolo made the jump from being Husband of Titi to murderer of Titi (I did not say so o. It was the court that held him guilty.) He cut Titi’s life short and made himself a widow. Anyways, since Titi cannot say what happened, here is what some witnesses at the trial said about the event and their marriage. PLEASE JUXTAPOSE THIS CASE AGAINST THE BACKDROP OF PREVIOUS POSTS AND COMMENT.

In his testimony, George Oyakhire, the deceased’s father, who was the first prosecution witness told the court that his daughter sounded tense when he spoke with her on the day of the incident. The witness also said that on a number of occasions, the deceased had moved back home after quarrels with her husband, but he had constantly told his daughter to report to the police. She came back more than 10 times after quarrels…” He also said he had witnessed the aggressiveness of the defendant, because he (Akolade) always beat her and threatened to throw her down from the top floor of their one-storey apartment someday. 

According to Titi’s step mother, one of the prosecution witnesses; “The couple had never enjoy a jolly relationship as husband and wife”. On her account of what she saw on the day of the murder, “After the door was forced opened…” she said “There was a knife on the floor, a gaping hole on her chest, and a hammer on the floor. One of her eyes was gorged out. When I saw it, I thought there was nothing in the socket… Something that looked like a lump of flesh must have been chopped off from the way the deceased was lying on the floor.” The stepmother futher added : “ They had a stormy marriage. Shortly after they married, there was a quarrel; Kolade chased Omo (Omozoje) out with a knife.” She testified that the deceased had complained that she was tired of the house and wanted to divorce him. She disclosed that in another incident, a house help said she saw the convict in bed with another woman and reported to the deceased and she moved back to her father’s house. She said, her father also told her not to go back, but Akolade came back to beg and convinced the deceased and she eventually moved back.(THEY COME BACK TO BEG. THEY ARE USUALLY VERY PERSUASIVE.) I know you are to forgive,but with a serial offender. Forgive and stay gone.

MEDICAL PROOF: After the pathologist conducted a five-and-a-half- hours postmortem examination on the corpse on July 6, 2011, he said, during his testimony, that he “discovered at least 76 stab wounds resulting from the use of tremendous force on the chest, heart, lungs, liver, diaphragm, hands and other parts of the deceased’s body. There must have been many blows, stab wounds. It resulted in severe blood loss. “The Stab wounds combined caused by sharp weapon, a single and double edged wound. Injuries to the front of the heart, back of the heart and wall of the heart are present. You can actually see through to the inside of the chest wall which had collapsed. A particular stab went through the rib cavity to the heart, the stomach was completely torn open… All these injuries could not have been self-inflicted because, at a point, you would have dropped the knife” said Obafunwa, the expert from LUTH.

AKOLADE: Akolade, however denied ever being aggressive to his wife. He said he only slapped her once, because she valued her ex-boyfriend more than him. He denied ever chasing his wife with a Knife. He said the only time she had bruises was when she had a fall from a bike.(We know this one) He however said she was temperamental and the family called her ‘Thatcher. He therefore denied killing his wife, saying, “I love her. I never thought of it and I am not that kind of person.”

(To that I say “72 stab wounds?????”, we can see the depth of the love.)

My question to you, reader now is if this evidence is true: 1) Is this husband (and anybody like him) sane? 2) Why did Titi go back after she moved out? 3) Is she mad (as in the second definition)? What would be your advice for Titi if you could meet her the last time she moved out before she moved back in and breathed her last?

Comment Below, Please. (I asked for your comments in three areas)- 

Read next post …It’s important.

While I am not in support of divorce. You can separate or divorce , if that is what will get you peace and ensure your continued existence. My own is leave the man (physically) and maritally if you have no choice.


4 Comments Add yours

  1. Shifat ara says:

    You are right. Love is important but life is more important. We love to make our world more beautiful but if this love turns our world into a hell we should stop it there.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you,Shifat Ara for your comment. Very deep… Love should make our Life more beautiful and not he’ll,after all love is important,but life is more important.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. KunleWonders says:

    There is no justification for anyone to stay in an abusive marriage or relationship. You can stay apart to pray for the restoration of such,but not all marriages can be managed or revived. God shall give us wisdom.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Kunle Wonders.. the prayer is that God shall give us wisdom.. thank you for your comment…

      Liked by 1 person

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