LETS BE CANDID! IT’S MADNESS 2

If you missed “LETS BE CANDID ITS MADNESS 1” Please click on https://musingsofbimidiah.wordpress.com/2017/01/08/all-of-you-are-mad/

Let’s do a quick re-cap. I referred to two categories of people as being mad. Just be clear mad is not an acronym. The dictionary defines mad as insane, crazy, and mentally deranged. The Oxford dictionary also defines mad as extremely foolish or unwise, irrational; imprudent. So once again before you jump to any unjust conclusions, understand that in these two categories; there are sub categories that range in between the definitions above. The first category of mad people i.e. the wife beating husbands however fall into the first set of definitions above. I am not sugar coating this. For the wives who are the subject of their mad husband’s violent expressions. Let’s see if you are mad as defined in either of the two sets of definitions above.

I stated in the last post that any wife especially the one ,whose husband’s beating has put her in the hospital or has caused her to bleed, little or much or made her apply makeup as cover up is MAD, and this is the second category of mad people. I say this because it is only a person that is suicidal or has a death wish that would live with a mad person. Yes, I know marriage requires cohabitation and the defining mantra is “Till death do us part” and maybe that is the reason some women decide to stay in their “Matrimonial Homes” and cope with the abuse. But this I can surely say, if you stay and the abuse continues, death will surely do you part because one day push would come to shove and the mad man you live with would kill you. Matrimonial preservation at the expense of self or life preservation is fatal. Maybe your interpretation of “the two shall become one.” is that the one party would be beaten into passive existence similar to grave silence or actual non existence which would end up in genuine grave silence of the dead woman and there would really be only one person left? 

Asides marital preservation, another reason some wives stay married is because of their children. See if this is your reason, I understand with you to a certain degree. But except he is a child beater too in which case you and the line of genealogy flowing from you are at grave risk. If he just leaves the beating to you, then my sister, move out of the freaking house.

               See even if you do not pack out all you have, leave with your heart beating within your chest. Your children might suffer for it, but they would survive. If you stay and cope and the man kills you, your children would survive. So if your children would survive when you are dead, why won’t they survive when you are alive, but not just living with them? Last I checked, a lot of orphans are living and making it. Make your love for them as clear as possible and make it clear to the ones capable of understanding that you have to leave or else they would have to lift your cadaver out.

Another reason some women stay, which is absolutely intriguing and common, is because of PEOPLE. Yes, the usually faceless and highly influential REPUBLIC of gossiping and commenting people. In this particular instance, “the what will people say committee” consists of everybody that attended your lavish wedding, including your bridal train, your family members, distant relatives that you think are against your progress (this applies especially if you are from a polygamous background), friends of your parents, everybody on your street, everybody at your children’s school, everybody at work, everybody at church (a very important subcommittee that most times mixes up all the group previously mentioned.), school mates(from primary to secondary to your higher institution) and very importantly those who kicked against the marriage from the start, right ? 

What would they say about you leaving your husband?? You ask yourself? Trust me, these are the same people that would drop nothing, but RIP on your face book wall when they hear of your passing and would be too busy to make it to your burial and those who would come, would come to shed crocodile tears or for confirmation of the news and pictures or for the rice (that is if any rice is served at all considering the young age you were plucked from life..). So I beg you. Let them talk. Let them mock you as the newly single, separated or divorced woman, allow them because you are more beautiful than any dead married woman. Let there be consolation for you in the fact that there is more hope for a living dog then a dead lion.

Some people would look at me and say, “Why are you talking like this? You think that is how easy it is? Marriage is a complicated thing!” and my question for them is “So, one should wait till death simplifies it, right?” because quite frankly it does. You see once you are dead, you are no longer married. There is no need for legislation to be made for surviving spouses to remarry and that is exactly what would happen if you die and he survives without legal apprehension. He would remarry and lest I fail to mention. He would ask God for forgiveness and God in his infinite love and mercy would pardon him and bless his new union. You on the other hand, that maintained the “For better, for worse till death do us part” creed and died because you stayed with A MAD MAN, “your burden that you have no choice but to carry” according to people. To me, you committed suicide and I do not think people who commit suicide have the heavenly package waiting on them post death.  So I still maintain my stance that any wife living with a husband who hits her into hospital admission, bleeding and/or bruising is mad, whether by the first set of definitions or the more applicable second set of definitions. I am not done though. The discussion on this matter continues in LET’S BE CANDID! IT’S MADNESS 3 (ACTUAL EXAMPLES) where I would be further discussing and  giving other reasons women give for validating staying in abusive marriages and why they do not hold water.

Stay tuned for the third post.

Drop a comment with the caveat in mind that we are not done yet….

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4 Comments Add yours

  1. Kasopfoluwa says:

    Lovely piece. Part 1 was nice. I think I agree with the part that the children would survive if the woman leaves. Or she can decide to stay and die, yet, they’ll survive.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you,Kasopfoluwa. Thank you for dropping by and commenting. I’m glad you see things from my point of view.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Oyekan Oluwaseun Oyebimpe says:

    Beautiful thoughts here. Thumbs up.

    You have mentioned about three reasons and I totally agree with your arguments on all three.

    However, you seem to forget that another reason why they remain MAD in such marriages is financial stability.

    Many women are financially dependent on their husbands. More often than not, these people also suffered from low self esteem.

    They would rather cope with the abuse, justify the violence against them and continue to ‘endure’ because failure to do this means goodbye to their meal ticket.

    It is even astonishing that some educated women with their certificates love to depend on their husbands financially talk less of the women without any education-formal or informal.

    It is my belief that a woman who is financially stable won’t take such beating.

    Good job KJD, we must always speak against violence in any from.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you,so much for your comment,Bimpe.
      On financial stability,I had already advised women to work in an earlier post.. Check here http://wp.me/s8fcfX-www .. Your comment is very insightful though.. I agree with you especially where you state the fact that some educated women with their certificates do so because it is true.
      Like I said at the end if the post, I would still discuss more reasons in part 3 and financial stability is one. But sometimes,the husband is not just a wife beater,but incapable of taking care of the family and transfers aggression to the working wife,who still stays. Thank you so much,once again. I look foward to your wonderful comments on subsequent posts.

      Liked by 1 person

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